We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
