You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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