3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
