East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Randomize
