I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
