i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
