please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
