C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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