when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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