Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
