moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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