I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
