i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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