God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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