When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
