Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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