I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
