Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
