that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
