He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
