Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
