I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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