I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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