There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
