i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
