Moan for me like Helen Keller
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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