I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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