I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
