When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
