i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Alive.
So much puke
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
