there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
