My Higher Power is John Stamos
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
