Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This baby is an asshole
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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