I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
