They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
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Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
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Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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