I CAN MOONWALK!
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
