I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I want a musical about memes.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
