This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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