It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
