I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
