hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
