Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
