At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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