apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
