i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
