what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
