just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
