Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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