If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
