did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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