chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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