i may or may not be watching the land before time
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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