omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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