Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
