The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
