this beer tastes like vomit already
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
sex in a hospital.. check
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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