the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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