i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
