The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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