kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I have fence marks all over my body
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
